The English queen, Elizabeth, was born into a thousand-year old-monarchy. The American queen, Oprah, worked her way to the top. Buckingham Palace always has vacancy for the royal family, rent free. Ms. Winfrey had to shell out $60 million-plus for her Xanadu @ Montecito. The two families, at least part, are now neighbors on the Santa Barbara coast.

Harry and Meghan did not dig the Royal lifestyle. Prince Charles clearly favored the straight-laced William. Someone at HQ suggested that the newly expectant couple use CRISPR to choose the proper shade of whiteness, for both their bathroom and unborn baby.

Montecito is a rough and tumble place, the Manchester of Southern California.

Forever banned from the bosom of the Royal Family, Harry and Meghan are left to fend for themselves in the wilderness of this new land. They have to rollerblade to work and dive for their own uni. The $3,000 in COVID relief from their new rich Uncle Sam won’t last long—perhaps a couple T-shirts from James Perse or a few bags of organic groceries from nearby Erewhon...

Dan Bercu

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