Let me get this right. About a month or so ago I read that some megabuck guy actually paid $28 million so his son could have the opportunity to fly with Jeff Bezos for an 11 minute ride up and back from somewhere up there to somewhere down here. I have no need to take drugs, because I must be hallucinating without them.

Now I fully understand that I am a man of limited imagination nor do I possess a solitary adventuresome cell within my body, but $28 million. Are you kidding me! I ask myself the question how much money would I need to have before I would piss away $28 million to fly with anybody, anywhere for 11 minutes, or even for a day. I don’t even like paying for a first class airline ticket.

Actually, I really need to rephrase the question. If I were to be honest, I would ask myself how much money Jeff Bezos would have to pay me to fly 60 miles vertically with him. The answer is that Jeff Bezos does not have enough dough to get me to even consider it. And that’s the truth.

Let me present you with the full picture. In order to take this space flight, first I would somehow have to get myself to Van Horn, Texas, the county seat of Culbertson, which as of the 2010 census had a population of roughly 2,500 people. Located in Southwest Texas, it is a six hour ride from Tucson, and almost 600 miles from Houston. In other words, for a city slicker like me, going to Van Horn, Texas would be the same as going to outer space but without the exorbitant price tag.

The problem with this voyage is that you do not return to some place exotic like the Serengeti or Monte Carlo, but you end up right back in good old Van Horn. I feel pretty confident this is one trip I will not be taking.

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