Let me get this right. About a month or so ago I read that some megabuck guy actually paid $28 million so his son could have the opportunity to fly with Jeff Bezos for an 11 minute ride up and back from somewhere up there to somewhere down here. I have no need to take drugs, because I must b…

I am not making this up, but there are more than a few people who refuse to get the Covid-19 vaccine because they actually believe it creates some sort of magnetic pull. Now please do not ask me to explain how this magnetic pull works. The important thing is they believe it and are not about…

Now that we have all been disheartened by the official United States Census which states unequivocally that there are more people on our City Council than live here in Malibu, I wish to divulge my own very unofficial census taken by me during a recent hallucinatory nap:

My bride and I recently returned from a quick trip back East to see my family, most of whom I hadn’t seen since the beginning of the pandemic. This was the first time I have been on a plane in quite some time. I wore a mask during the flight and in the airports, and took a number of other pr…

I think I have fully recovered from watching the Olympics. To see all these athletes perform at a higher level than I could ever dream of is physically and mentally exhausting, to say the least. I am glad that I will have three years to recuperate before watching another summer Olympics.

I am sick and tired of hearing all the misinformation spouted by the anti-vaxxers who refuse to get vaccinated against Covid-19. I heard that one young man insisted that the far left was injecting a chip in the vaccine so the Democrats would always know his whereabouts. Why anybody, let alon…

When you think of Siberia (it is very possible you never think of Siberia), you probably think of a frigid place virtually uninhabitable except for polar bears. You can understand then how surprised I was to hear the part of Siberia which happens to be in the Arctic Circle reached 118 degree…

I have watched enough television and movies to know that many people are fascinated by the possibility of making contact with the departed. The famous magician Harry Houdini attended several seances in an attempt to speak to his late mother, with, you guessed it, limited success—make that ve…

A few months back I saw a friend of mine outside of Ralph’s, and she was walking with a noticeable limp. I had polio when I was 7 years old, and I have been limping ever since, so I take note of limps.  “What’s wrong?” I asked my friend.

  • Updated

Rose and Dave Ross, my parents, had something extraordinary in common, and they never knew it, and there was no way for them to have ever known it.  You see, each of them lived exactly 91 years and 20 days. 

I don’t know why, but the other day I was thinking about a tv show which had a good run in the early 1950’s. The show was called “Life Begins at 80” and featured a few octogenarians, mostly in their early to mid 80’s who answered questions sent in by the show’s viewers. Most of America was q…

There is a growing industry for celebrities to make a buck outside their regular routine, and this industry has expanded exponentially during the pandemic. I am referring to famous people getting paid to send a “Cameo Video” to somebody on their birthday, anniversary or whatever. 

I think people get the wrong idea about Malibu. Outsiders think that we all sit around hobnobbing with the rich and famous. They imagine grand parties where Dylan, Cher, Streisand and Gaga sing barber shop quartet, or something like that.

My Dad was born David Robert Rosalsky on October 20, 1911. He was the youngest of seven, and the only one to go to college, if only for a year. He attended the University of Virginia where he happily majored in riding horses and dating girls, and after a year returned home to Red Hook, Brook…

I watch a lot of tv. I shouldn’t, but I do. I have noticed that the preponderance of the ads are related to medicine, quite often to prescription drugs. There is little doubt that we are over medicated, and as I get older, my medicine cabinet like everybody else’s gets more and more filled w…

The other day I paid my annual visit to Dr. Laura Audell, a top of the line pain specialist at Cedars Sinai. I experienced some pain and swelling down my arm after having had shoulder surgery several years ago. Dr. Audell treated me successfully, and miraculously my pain was gone. But becaus…

I was watching James Corden on the Late Late Show when he informed his viewers that condom sales in the United States were booming now that Covid was subsiding. I seem to be getting my news from a talk show host. I told you I watch far too much television. 

I just watched a show about polar bears on one of those animal channels, and I realized for the first time that we have a lot in common with these beasts of the Northland. The show featured a mother polar bear sticking her head out of her den to get the lay of the land. She returned to the c…

People have a tendency to ask me deep philosophical questions such as “how are you?” Often this question assaults me early in the day, and means that simply to respond, I have to burn up the few remaining brain cells which still reside upstairs. Occasionally the question comes in different f…

Mom has been dead for over 20 years now and with Mother’s Day upon us, I still think of her often. The fact is I think about her all year, not just now.

Occasionally I retrieve a distant story from my memory bank, and I can’t believe I haven’t shared this one with you until now. Back in the 1970’s my dear friend Jerry August was driving around Fort Lee, New Jersey, where he served on the Borough Council with me.  Jerry’s young daughter was t…

Oh please, do not think for one moment this is a theological piece. Remember this column is primarily supposed to be funny, so if you are looking for some kind of divine intervention, you are definitely in the wrong place.   

I read the other day on Nextdoor that one of our residents found a peacock on his property and was reaching out to the community to find its owner.

  • Updated

“King of Hearts,” a memorable movie starring Alan Bates, came out in the 1960’s and tells the fictional story of how the inmates of an insane asylum escaped and took over a small French village.

The sad truth is that far too many of the men who have served as New York’s governor have transgressed before, during or after holding that office..  As far back as Franklin Delano Roosevelt to today’s Andrew Cuomo, New York’s governors have had an uncanny tendency to misbehave with women.

I often don’t believe what I hear or read. Call me a skeptic. I can live with that. I recently read that a survey taken by Trivago (whoever they are) found that 38% of Americans say they would be willing to give up sex for a year if they could take a trip. I don’t think so! 

  • Updated

I have good news and bad news to share with you. The good news is that I just got my second shot of the Moderna vaccine and can once again venture forth out of my house where I have been a virtual prisoner forever and a day. 

Now I don’t know about you, but every once in a while, I read something in the newspaper and fear I’m not of this world, that I have completely lost it, assuming I ever had it.

My bride and I have been together for over 38 years, and we have shared the same bed during that time. We hold each other throughout the night, and every now and then in a magnificently choreographed motion we rotate from one side to the other. We uncouple, turn 180 degrees as one, and then …

Let’s be frank with one another. We all know people who are useless. Actually we also know people who are utterly useless. I unfortunately fall in the latter category. I know what you are thinking, that I am being unnecessarily harsh on myself. Okay, I am willing to change “utterly useless” …

There we were before Covid-19 struck, just the two of us, smoking our stogies at the Malibu Cigar Lounge. Gary Busey was reminiscing about the time he was nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of the great Buddy Holly, and I was recalling the time when I was nominated to be president of m…

I thought with Valentine’s Day upon us, I might as well write a blog/column about the heart, since for reasons I do not comprehend, love and heart seem intertwined.

No, my loyal reader, this column has nothing to do with taking your money out of a certificate of deposit before it matures, nor does it have anything to do with a supposed form of birth control. This is a community newspaper, so get your mind out of the gutter.

A couple of months back I was driving on a narrow road in Eastern Malibu where I am renting a house until my home is rebuilt. It was quite dark at night, and all of a sudden an animal darted across the street. I had never seen anything quite like it. The animal was slightly longer than a squ…

I grew up watching westerns. I loved how my cowboy heroes Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, and Hopalong Cassidy rode through the Wild West far away from my suburban home town outside of New York City.  Try to imagine how innocent a time those days were back in the 1940’s and early 1950’s when a gun t…

  • Updated

Let’s be honest with each other. If it weren’t for the perfect weather we enjoy here, how many of us would still be living in Malibu? Let me put it another way, if by some horrible quirk of fate, Malibu ended up with North Dakota’s weather, would we still live here? I believe most of us woul…

  • Updated

As I am writing this column, I realize how much I want to be a man of the times. I want to be “with it,” join in whatever trend is popular today.  The most recent trend seems to be engaging in conspiracy theories and hurling around loose accusations. 

Each year around this time I write a column either listing New Year’s resolutions I have no intention of honoring, or making predictions for the upcoming year most of which never come true. Predictions it is!

I don’t know why “Memories from Christmases Past” sounds so much better than “Memories from Past Christmases” but it does, and that’s all there is to it. 

I acknowledge upfront that this is a very strange title for a column, even for one written by yours truly. You might well be thinking I have lost my mind, and that is exactly the point of this column.

In my most recent column, I wrote “I have no intention of making a bucket list,” and I don’t, but I am preparing a very special list which I will divulge now for the first time fully aware that somebody will most assuredly pilfer it.

You are probably aware of the movie “Bucket List” directed and produced by Malibu’s own Rob Reiner. Released in 2007, the film is about two men played by Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman who end up in the same hospital room. They prepare a list of things they want to do before they kick the…

For most of us this Thanksgiving will be unlike any holiday we have ever had. Perhaps more than any other holiday, Thanksgiving has always been an opportunity for families to come together, but not this year.

I was speaking with a friend the other day, and for purposes of this column, let’s call her Mary Smith. She lives alone in Malibu with her cat Mr. Peepers (also not the cat’s real name, but I tend to call all animals Mr. Peepers). Mary is bright, artistic, caring, and looks at the bright sid…

Yogi Berra, the famous New York Yankee catcher, was supposed to have said, “Déjà vu all over again.” That’s exactly how this election feels to me. I’m certain I have been to this dance before.

As I write this column, I literally have no idea who our next president will be, but assuming this time the polls are correct and Trump loses, we Americans are about to face a monumental crisis of sorts—I call it “Trump withdrawal.” Please allow me to explain.

NOTE TO READER: This is the first time I have rerun one of my columns. The column below first appeared in The Malibu Times on Feb. 6, 2017, shortly after Donald Trump became president. It is, unfortunately, every bit as true now as it was then.

Before I proceed, let’s make sure we are talking about the same thing. Sexting is defined as follows: “when people send or receive sexual pictures, messages, or videos through technology, e.g. cell phone, app, email, or webcam. The word comes from a combination of the words sex and text.”

People frequently ask me two questions—“When will your house be finished?” and “Are you excited?” The answers to these two questions are “Hopefully before I die,” and “No.”

My wings have been clipped. Make no mistake about it. I used to be a traveling man. In fact many moons ago I owned a travel agency.  I know many people who have done far more traveling than I have.  A friend of mine has been to almost 150 countries.  Who is counting? (I guess he is)

Sign up for our Daily Newsletter

Newsletters