My life as I knew it came to an abrupt end a few days ago when my constant companion of the past seven years died suddenly. I am referring to my iPhone. No matter how hard I tried to resuscitate it, this all purpose gadget had expired. I no longer could communicate with anybody, read a menu with the iPhone flashlight, and I actually had to walk outside to figure out what the weather was rather than simply look at my iPhone.

So off to the Apple Store I traipsed. A knowledgeable saleslady tried to explain the advantages and the disadvantages of the various phones and their accessories. I heard words that sounded like megabytes and gigabytes, but she could have been speaking a foreign language as far as I was concerned. All I know is that I left that store with my net worth significantly reduced. The cost of that one phone equalled the cost of my first year in college.

I will now spend the better part of my remaining days on Earth trying to figure out how to use this contraption. By the time I begin to understand its features, it will be replaced by a new model iPhone which I hear will among others things help you prepare pasta.

There is one significant problem with my new iPhone. It weighs a few ounces more than my old one. That may not sound like a big deal to you, but when you see me, you will understand my dilemma. I like to wear loose fitting sweat pants. To be more precise, I almost always wear loose fitting sweat pants. I know I should be more fashion conscious, but comfort outweighs fashion any time, or at least for me.

Now here is my problem.  When I put my iPhone in my left pants pocket which is my custom, the left side of my pants slides down, and if I try putting my iPhone in my right pants pocket, the right side of my pants slides down. If I put my iPhone in my rear pocket, way too much derriere shows. In other words, my iPhone is weighing me down.

I am now confronted with a terrible choice—either I give up the iPhone altogether after spending a fortune on it, or I spend the rest of my days pulling up my pants. And so if you see me pulling up my britches, you will understand that my iPhone is resting comfortably within.

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.