The powers that be have asked me, as is their custom, to write a “year in review” column. Now you might think this is a relatively easy task, but for me who cannot begin to remember what I had for dinner last night, this is a monumental challenge. I think the best way for me to prepare for this undertaking is to look at the 52 columns I wrote this year and see if any of them shake my memory.

I seem to recall visiting my doctor on several occasions and in each instance, he called me “Paul.” I wonder whether he calls Paul by my name and whether he treats me for Paul’s ailments.

I remember being overwhelmed by shopping for my fire rebuild. I sat on so many toilets I felt I might be suffering from a stomach disorder. When I finally chose a toilet I liked, I was informed that I was sitting on a bidet.

I travelled to Sequoia National Park to see the giant trees. As they grow older, the trees cease to get taller but expand in girth, just like me. I was so sore from all that walking that upon my return to Malibu, I sought a massage lady who tore me limb from limb. I felt like Mike Tyson had given me the massage.

A couple of months ago a fire in Eastern Malibu almost burnt the house down where I am staying until my home which burnt a year ago is rebuilt. I got out a garden hose and was prepared to save this house, but ended up giving myself a shower instead.  I don’t think I will ever be a fireman.

I saw an ad for brain enhancement—something I can use. The main ingredient comes from a jellyfish. I now need help from a jellyfish in order to think. It has come to that.

In the past, I always had plenty of material goods, but after the fire, I celebrated getting just about anything. It is amazing how a cheese board can generate immeasurable pleasure. There was almost nothing that people offered me I wouldn’t gladly take. That’s still true. I do understand the concept that it is better to give than to receive, but I must confess receiving is mighty fine.

I have spent considerably more time than I could ever have wanted in the belly of the Blue Whale, a gigantic building in the Design Center. I have looked at door knobs and faucets and toilet paper holders and everything else imaginable. There is far too much choice available, and if I were president, I would mandate a maximum of two choices per object. But I am not president, so I guess I will continue to browse and suffer.

Oh, I forgot to mention I am going bald, my new iPhone is pulling my pants down, and I am paying for the same dirt to be brought to and then removed from my building site.

Looking back over 2019, I can say It has been a so so year. On a scale of 1 to 10, this year has earned a solid 5. Things could have been much better, but then again, they could have been a lot worse. At least nothing I owned burned.   

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.