I received a very strange email the other day. A business acquaintance wanted to know if I would be available next week to take his phone call. Was this some kind of a trick question? Was he putting me on?  “Would I be available” he was asking. For God’s sake, LeBron James is available.

The cautious fellow that I am refused to make a commitment. “Let me look at my calendar to see if I can fit you in,” I responded. I flipped through my calendar and saw exactly what I expected-nothing, nada, gornisht mit gornisht (nothing with nothing in Yiddish), ingenting (a wonderful sounding word meaning nothing in Swedish). 

I flipped the pages right through the summer and did not see a single appointment or thing to do. That is not exactly true. I had noted that May 5 is the 80th birthday of Tana Ross, the first of my brother’s three wives (half the number Henry VIII married), and May 6 is the 90th birthday of my friend Ellie Somerfield. 

I had cancelled doctors’ appointments, my college reunion, trips to service my car and absolutely everything else. The fact of the matter is that I could take this person’s call any time between now and Labor Day, and so I emailed him back, “I think I can take your call next Monday at 4:30.”

Let’s face it. Even the mega stars accustomed to constant adulation are feeling lonely. They no longer need body guards, because their adoring fans are also stuck in their homes. Our celebrities  can dismiss the guards and open their gates because nobody is coming in-nobody to take a selfie with, not even the paparazzi care anymore. What is the world coming to!

I heard a rumor that Bob Dylan is coming up with new lyrics to an old song, “Oh Mama, can this really be the end, to be stuck inside of Malibu with the COVID blues again.”

If you believe this rumor which I just created, then you have clearly been inside your home too long, and you need to go outside.  Stay safe.

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