I watch a lot of tv. I shouldn’t, but I do. I have noticed that the preponderance of the ads are related to medicine, quite often to prescription drugs. There is little doubt that we are over medicated, and as I get older, my medicine cabinet like everybody else’s gets more and more filled w…

The other day I paid my annual visit to Dr. Laura Audell, a top of the line pain specialist at Cedars Sinai. I experienced some pain and swelling down my arm after having had shoulder surgery several years ago. Dr. Audell treated me successfully, and miraculously my pain was gone. But becaus…

I was watching James Corden on the Late Late Show when he informed his viewers that condom sales in the United States were booming now that Covid was subsiding. I seem to be getting my news from a talk show host. I told you I watch far too much television. 

I just watched a show about polar bears on one of those animal channels, and I realized for the first time that we have a lot in common with these beasts of the Northland. The show featured a mother polar bear sticking her head out of her den to get the lay of the land. She returned to the c…

People have a tendency to ask me deep philosophical questions such as “how are you?” Often this question assaults me early in the day, and means that simply to respond, I have to burn up the few remaining brain cells which still reside upstairs. Occasionally the question comes in different f…

Mom has been dead for over 20 years now and with Mother’s Day upon us, I still think of her often. The fact is I think about her all year, not just now.

Occasionally I retrieve a distant story from my memory bank, and I can’t believe I haven’t shared this one with you until now. Back in the 1970’s my dear friend Jerry August was driving around Fort Lee, New Jersey, where he served on the Borough Council with me.  Jerry’s young daughter was t…

Oh please, do not think for one moment this is a theological piece. Remember this column is primarily supposed to be funny, so if you are looking for some kind of divine intervention, you are definitely in the wrong place.   

I read the other day on Nextdoor that one of our residents found a peacock on his property and was reaching out to the community to find its owner.

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“King of Hearts,” a memorable movie starring Alan Bates, came out in the 1960’s and tells the fictional story of how the inmates of an insane asylum escaped and took over a small French village.

The sad truth is that far too many of the men who have served as New York’s governor have transgressed before, during or after holding that office..  As far back as Franklin Delano Roosevelt to today’s Andrew Cuomo, New York’s governors have had an uncanny tendency to misbehave with women.

I often don’t believe what I hear or read. Call me a skeptic. I can live with that. I recently read that a survey taken by Trivago (whoever they are) found that 38% of Americans say they would be willing to give up sex for a year if they could take a trip. I don’t think so! 

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I have good news and bad news to share with you. The good news is that I just got my second shot of the Moderna vaccine and can once again venture forth out of my house where I have been a virtual prisoner forever and a day. 

Now I don’t know about you, but every once in a while, I read something in the newspaper and fear I’m not of this world, that I have completely lost it, assuming I ever had it.

My bride and I have been together for over 38 years, and we have shared the same bed during that time. We hold each other throughout the night, and every now and then in a magnificently choreographed motion we rotate from one side to the other. We uncouple, turn 180 degrees as one, and then …

Let’s be frank with one another. We all know people who are useless. Actually we also know people who are utterly useless. I unfortunately fall in the latter category. I know what you are thinking, that I am being unnecessarily harsh on myself. Okay, I am willing to change “utterly useless” …

There we were before Covid-19 struck, just the two of us, smoking our stogies at the Malibu Cigar Lounge. Gary Busey was reminiscing about the time he was nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of the great Buddy Holly, and I was recalling the time when I was nominated to be president of m…

I thought with Valentine’s Day upon us, I might as well write a blog/column about the heart, since for reasons I do not comprehend, love and heart seem intertwined.

No, my loyal reader, this column has nothing to do with taking your money out of a certificate of deposit before it matures, nor does it have anything to do with a supposed form of birth control. This is a community newspaper, so get your mind out of the gutter.

A couple of months back I was driving on a narrow road in Eastern Malibu where I am renting a house until my home is rebuilt. It was quite dark at night, and all of a sudden an animal darted across the street. I had never seen anything quite like it. The animal was slightly longer than a squ…

I grew up watching westerns. I loved how my cowboy heroes Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, and Hopalong Cassidy rode through the Wild West far away from my suburban home town outside of New York City.  Try to imagine how innocent a time those days were back in the 1940’s and early 1950’s when a gun t…

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Let’s be honest with each other. If it weren’t for the perfect weather we enjoy here, how many of us would still be living in Malibu? Let me put it another way, if by some horrible quirk of fate, Malibu ended up with North Dakota’s weather, would we still live here? I believe most of us woul…

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As I am writing this column, I realize how much I want to be a man of the times. I want to be “with it,” join in whatever trend is popular today.  The most recent trend seems to be engaging in conspiracy theories and hurling around loose accusations. 

Each year around this time I write a column either listing New Year’s resolutions I have no intention of honoring, or making predictions for the upcoming year most of which never come true. Predictions it is!

I don’t know why “Memories from Christmases Past” sounds so much better than “Memories from Past Christmases” but it does, and that’s all there is to it. 

I acknowledge upfront that this is a very strange title for a column, even for one written by yours truly. You might well be thinking I have lost my mind, and that is exactly the point of this column.

In my most recent column, I wrote “I have no intention of making a bucket list,” and I don’t, but I am preparing a very special list which I will divulge now for the first time fully aware that somebody will most assuredly pilfer it.

You are probably aware of the movie “Bucket List” directed and produced by Malibu’s own Rob Reiner. Released in 2007, the film is about two men played by Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman who end up in the same hospital room. They prepare a list of things they want to do before they kick the…

For most of us this Thanksgiving will be unlike any holiday we have ever had. Perhaps more than any other holiday, Thanksgiving has always been an opportunity for families to come together, but not this year.

I was speaking with a friend the other day, and for purposes of this column, let’s call her Mary Smith. She lives alone in Malibu with her cat Mr. Peepers (also not the cat’s real name, but I tend to call all animals Mr. Peepers). Mary is bright, artistic, caring, and looks at the bright sid…

Yogi Berra, the famous New York Yankee catcher, was supposed to have said, “Déjà vu all over again.” That’s exactly how this election feels to me. I’m certain I have been to this dance before.

As I write this column, I literally have no idea who our next president will be, but assuming this time the polls are correct and Trump loses, we Americans are about to face a monumental crisis of sorts—I call it “Trump withdrawal.” Please allow me to explain.

NOTE TO READER: This is the first time I have rerun one of my columns. The column below first appeared in The Malibu Times on Feb. 6, 2017, shortly after Donald Trump became president. It is, unfortunately, every bit as true now as it was then.

Before I proceed, let’s make sure we are talking about the same thing. Sexting is defined as follows: “when people send or receive sexual pictures, messages, or videos through technology, e.g. cell phone, app, email, or webcam. The word comes from a combination of the words sex and text.”

People frequently ask me two questions—“When will your house be finished?” and “Are you excited?” The answers to these two questions are “Hopefully before I die,” and “No.”

My wings have been clipped. Make no mistake about it. I used to be a traveling man. In fact many moons ago I owned a travel agency.  I know many people who have done far more traveling than I have.  A friend of mine has been to almost 150 countries.  Who is counting? (I guess he is)

First please allow me to confess—I have been looking for any excuse to use the word “conundrum,” and so this column is more driven by my need to use the word than any content, as you will plainly observe.

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Several years ago the comic genius Mel Brooks started a foundation whose sole purpose was to protect the Yiddish word “schmuck” (big fool among other meanings) from becoming extinct just like the Yiddish word “schlemiel” (little fool) had become over time. Apparently my tribe is very intent …

No, this column has nothing to do with something you cook with in the kitchen like a pot or a pan. This column has to do with a drug, a controlled substance (whatever that is). The title I chose is “pot” because it is considerably easier to spell than marijuana, and I don’t always have confi…

We are living in strange times, and that is an understatement if ever there were one. For years now we have witnessed the exponential growth of online shopping. Just look at the price of Amazon stock if you don’t believe me. The malls and retail stores are dying. Why go shopping when you can…

I have a good friend who lives in Malibu. He is intelligent, witty, caring, philanthropic. In other words, he is a mensch. He has no preexisting health condition and is quite fit. He has chosen to put himself under house arrest until a vaccine is widely disseminated.  When I say “under house…

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When Trump spoke at the West Point graduation earlier this year, I was reminded of when I went to the Military Academy many decades ago. No, my loyal reader, not as a cadet (I could never have gotten in), but as a young man wanting to enjoy a beautiful autumn day watching an Army football game.

I am a clairvoyant of sorts. I have an uncanny ability to see things way into the future, but like the Greek mythical character Cassandra, I am totally unable to alter the course of events.

It’s been virtually half a year since I sat indoors at a restaurant and enjoyed a delicious meal, but lest I get overly nostalgic, let me walk down memory lane and share with you a few not so good memories which all took place at restaurants.

A couple of weeks ago I was enjoying my morning coffee with Iris, my son’s girlfriend. We were looking out over the ocean when a mega boat appeared on the horizon. For a moment I thought the Queen Mary might have broken away from its moorings in Long Beach. As the boat approached the Malibu …

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The aforementioned hairy beast is no other than yours truly. Now if you my loyal reader are confused, it is no wonder. Earlier this year I wrote a column about my going bald. But what a difference five months make, for it was approaching five months since I had had a haircut.My hair was so l…

None of us has unlimited time, and yet here I am about to tell you the ways I am killing time during the pandemic before the virus might possibly kill me. 

My son Isaac lives in Manhattan with his girlfriend Iris. He is 34 years old and is head of marketing for Solid and Striped, a high end swimwear company he founded seven years ago. I have not seen my son since around Christmas. Both he and Iris had Covid-19. They were thankfully minimally sy…

When Gary Hart campaigned around the country for president in 1988, a reporter asked him how he knew what city he was in. Hart truthfully responded that each morning when he awoke in a different hotel, the first thing he did was look at the local telephone book to find out where he was.

I often called my Dad, David Ross, “Pop.” I have no idea why, but I do know it was an affectionate term, and with Father’s Day just around the corner, I want to share with you some memories.

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